I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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