So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
