Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
