I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
