So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
