I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
