One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
