I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
