My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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