I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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