I'm really into asian looking animals
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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