I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
