Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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