Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
