I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
