my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
