She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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