Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
