If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
