I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
