If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
