Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
