So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
