Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry about my life...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize