Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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