this will be a night to untag.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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