"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man, jail baloney is awful.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
