Swine flu. Run for my life!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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