The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize