We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
