I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
