I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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