It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
