I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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