Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
