I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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