Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
