$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
