Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
