my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize