if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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