i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
