some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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