We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
