Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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