woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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