Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
