Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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