I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
