Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
