At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
4 words: hood of his car
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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