I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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