Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
