letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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