I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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