I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
