he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
