Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
