Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
