I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
