I'm so fucking centered right now
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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