Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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