What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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